That’s what I’ve been doing here, hiding. In Budapest, I hid because I didn’t want Hungarians to assume I was a tourist simply because I am different, and from America, land of the arrogant tourist. In Tiszavasvári, I opened up because of my daughter and a genuine desire to be among others. Yet, the more open I become, the more of myself I share with others, the less willing they are to genuinely open their minds’ world view. So, now, I hide. I hide my ears away with the music’s blast. I hide my sight away with the lowering of my head. I hide my mind away with the temptation of a better tomorrow. If this were all a simple case of burnout, I would just leave for the summer and return refreshed. This is beyond culture clash, this is beyond racism. This is hate. I’m hated simply because I’m different. I could maybe even understand this hatred if they hated me truthfully…most of them don’t even realize who I am, where I’ve been in my life, how my life started. They hate because they can and because learning about the other, me, represents a loss of their own national identity. What they fail to understand, to realize is that true learning is a communication between entities, not a dismissal of one over the other.
I am who I am. I am my own kind of American, my own kind of dark-skinned person, my own kind of sexy and I love that about myself, no matter how much hate they throw my way.